i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
