got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
