Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
