You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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