I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
