i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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