the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
