If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
