New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
