Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You are the jesus of drinking
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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