So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
