she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
