When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
