I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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