i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
