he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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