Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
