I hate your face
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
