I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
