My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
