I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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