Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
