Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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