Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
