i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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