I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
