Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
