A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
