i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
