I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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