he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
