Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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