he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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