When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
