DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
