I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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