so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
