wakey wakey hands off snakey
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
