fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
