Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
