My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
