put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
