My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
