there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
