While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
