took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
