You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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