Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
