i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think my moral compass just broke
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
