every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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