Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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