hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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