I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
