benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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