dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
