i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
