why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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