Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
