apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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