Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
