Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
