I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
