Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
